


hello, hi, goodbye

by jellyfishes



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-19
Updated: 2012-09-19
Packaged: 2017-11-14 14:20:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/516128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jellyfishes/pseuds/jellyfishes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry is an awkward person and he knows that. Sometimes, his pants are too low and sometimes, they’re slightly too baggy or slightly too tight. When gives the cashier not enough change, he stutters a bit when he tries to apologise for it. He’s bad at meeting new people and stutters a bit then too. He actually stutters a lot. And he also fell in love with his best friend. Which is a whole new level of awkward.</p>
            </blockquote>





	hello, hi, goodbye

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Español available: [hello, hi, goodbye](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2430455) by [niallees](https://archiveofourown.org/users/niallees/pseuds/niallees)



Harry is an awkward person and he knows that. He knows that he drags his feet for a little bit too long when he walks and that all his limbs seem just slightly too lanky for his body. He’s pretty bad at coordinating them in general. He knows that he always waits too long to get a haircut by about a week or two and for that time, it falls in his eyes a lot and he looks like a bit of a twat. Sometimes, his pants are too low and sometimes, they’re slightly too baggy or slightly too tight. When gives the cashier not enough change, he stutters a bit when he tries to apologise for it. He’s bad at meeting new people and stutters a bit then too. He actually stutters a lot. And he also fell in love with his best friend. Which is a whole new level of awkward.

It went something along the lines of moving to the city for university together and sharing an apartment and Niall has a lot of bad qualities, sure. Like he leaves his shit everywhere and never washes the dishes and always leaves a tiny bit of milk in the carton, but not enough for a cuppa, so he may as well have thrown it out anyway. But he’s also got these morning eyes that Harry had never seen before they were sharing breakfast with each other and they’re just a little cloudy and he laughs when he’s reading and Harry can hear it through the walls and suddenly he starts stuttering around Niall too.

And it’s weird because Niall and Harry have been best friends since Niall moved next door to Harry when they were about eight and when they first met, it was okay because even though Harry was stuttering, he thought Niall sounded weird too because he had this crazy accent that Harry had never heard before. But now Harry’s used to the accent and the stutter has come back a bit when Niall does something particularly perfect that makes Harry blush and suddenly, Harry is left feeling awkward again. Which is not an uncommon feeling for him, really.

They kind of do everything together. As much as they can considering Niall’s studying engineering and Harry’s studying law. They’re still on the same campus and Niall usually waits outside of Harry’s lectures for him with a few of his mates and smiles his smile where the corners of his mouth only just turn up and it’s a totally ordinary smile, but it still gets Harry’s stomach feeling as though it’s shrinking up inside of him.

Niall’s better at making friends than Harry and he meets people like Zayn and Louis, who grew up in London and are a lot more crazy than small-town-Harry. Harry only has Liam.

He sort of knew Liam before they came to London because they were both the awkward ones who gravitated towards each other on open day. They hadn’t spoken since then, but Liam flopped down into the chair next to Harry in their very first lecture and Harry didn’t have to worry about whether or not he remembered him because straight away, Liam had said, “Harry, right?” and Harry didn’t even stutter when he said “Yeah.”

\---

Liam saves a seat for Harry when’s running late, like right now, because it took forever to get Niall out of bed and he whinges whenever Harry doesn’t wait for him to get the bus into university.

“What’d I miss?” Harry asks as he slides into the seat at the end of the row, pulling his notebook out of his bag and shoving it under his chair. “Can I borrow a pen?”

Liam sighs, smiling at Harry. “Nothing important, just a summary of what we’ll be going over in the lecture. And yes, you can.”

Harry knows that Liam likes looking after people a lot and as much as he rolls his eyes at the way Harry has always forgotten something, he’s always willing to help him out.

“My saviour,” he says and Liam rolls his eyes. Harry doesn’t care because he knows it’s affectionate.

By halfway through the lecture on familial law, Harry is doodling stars in the margin of his notes and texting Niall asking him to coffee afterwards. Liam looks sideways at him and sighs, but Harry knows he’ll lend him his notes later when exams come and they’re both panicking even though Liam has no reason to.

“You want to come to coffee after?” he whispers and Liam shrugs.

“With Niall?”

Niall and Liam have met a few times, but not properly. Liam knows enough about Niall from Harry anyway. Enough to know that Harry and Niall are like a unit – an operation that works together or not at all.

“I think Niall will bring Zayn and Louis too.”

Liam sighs, rolling his eyes and finally turning to face Harry, not bothering to pretend to the lecturer that he’s even listening anymore. “But you know them already and I’ll be awkward.”

“No,” Harry says. “I’ve only met Louis and Zayn a few times, they’re more Niall’s friends.”

“But I don’t know any of them.”

Harry smiles that winning smile and Liam knows he’s already screwed in this argument. “You know me!”

\---

Niall lets Louis order the coffee and it’s a bad idea because seriously? Five long blacks with double coffee shots? It’s a Tuesday morning and Harry knows he’ll be jittery for the rest of the day. But Niall’s eyes crinkle in laughter when Louis knocks his back and smacks his lips together. Harry ends up spluttering everywhere when he tries to do the same thing, but it’s the thought that counts. And it earns him one of Niall’s arms hooked around his shoulders. The thinks it’s nice that Niall pretends not to notice when he shuffles a little bit closer to him.

Their table is easily the loudest in the shop and somewhere between Zayn telling the story about the time he and Louis swam naked in the Thames on a dare and Liam ordering the second round of coffees, the café empties almost entirely, a few bitter patrons throwing dirty looks at the five of them as the door bangs closed behind them.

They leave half an hour later, shooting sheepish smiles over their shoulders at the glowering barista. Louis instantly hooks his arm through Zayn’s and drags him towards a shop window, pointing at a pair of shoes he swears would look great on Zayn, while Zayn rolls his eyes and tries to pull his arm away from Louis, who grins wickedly, manoeuvring the two of them so swiftly that by the time Harry has blinked once, Louis has Zayn pressed up against the window saying “You’ll never get away from me Malik,” before licking a stripe up his neck and sprinting down the street cackling wildly as Zayn chases him.

Niall slings an arm around Harry who tries to surreptitiously cuddle up closer to him and Liam shuffles awkwardly for a moment before picking up his pace when Harry grins at him. Niall ruffles Harry’s hair gently, smiling gently at him and Harry hates that smile because it’s so bloody platonic.

“You want me to pick up movies tonight Hazza?” Niall asks, the breath of his words rushing against Harry’s neck.

“What’s tonight?” he asks, eyebrows furrowing in a way that always makes Liam chuckle at him.

Niall turns to him and grins. “Tonight is the beginning of an era, mate,” he says and Harry’s brow furrows even deeper if that’s possible at all. “Hazza and Niall’s movie night!”

“That’s not a thing,” Harry says seriously, but he’s already smiling because he loves it when Niall comes up with these new traditions that flop after about three weeks, but are always a huge debacle while the fun lasts. It’s been a while since the last “Hazza and Niall” thing and Harry will never admit that he actually misses them when they’re not a thing.

“Harry,” Liam says from where he’s looking at his watch. “We have to get to class,” and he actually smiles at the way Harry looks visibly torn between his law degree and staying tucked under Niall’s arm for an extra few minutes. But he eventually extracts himself from Niall’s grip, shrugging at the blonde and flicking his hair out of his eyes.

“Stay devastatingly cute,” Niall says with a laugh, already calling out to Zayn and Louis to wait up for him and oh, there goes Harry’s heart following Niall across the courtyard.

The thing is, Niall is really bloody oblivious to everyone else’s feelings because he’s so good at being straight up honest about his own. If he likes someone, he’ll let them know by telling them and he doesn’t get signs. Harry is really bad at talking and a lot better at pretending that everything is exactly the same and Niall relies on honesty to get what people are thinking. And Harry isn’t about to tell him how he feels because that would be completely counter productive in the long run and might end in a pretty awkward atmosphere in the flat they share.

So despite the fact that Harry mostly wants to scamper after Niall across the courtyard and kiss him until everyone gets sick of watching and goes home, he turns around and follows Liam to the other side of the uni and tries to console him about the fact that they’re going to be five minutes late for their class.

\---

Hazza and Niall’s movie night lasts about four weeks before Niall gets sick of it and decides that watching movies are nowhere near as good as watching movies when absolutely pissed, so it progresses into that. And then Niall decides that getting pissed it better when there are lots of people around to laugh about it with later so he decides that he wants to have a party.

Harry isn’t too good with parties, but Niall wants a party and so he’ll get it, of course he will. He puts Harry in charge of snacks and tells him that he’ll be in charge of the alcohol, which Harry thinks is a pretty good idea because he couldn’t tell one kind of beer from another unless someone labelled them incredibly clearly and there is no way that he’d be able to tell you if one were better than another. But Niall is Irish and likes his beer and drinks a lot more than Harry anyway, sometimes going out with Zayn and Louis when Harry wants to stay home and read or study and do something productive with his time. He doesn’t mind. It’s good that Niall has people to hang out with that can give him what Harry can’t, even if sometimes he wishes that Niall only wanted what Harry can give him.

Niall overestimates how many people can fit in their apartment and tries to invite every single person he knows. Harry almost faints when he walks into the apartment after his lightning trip down to the store for more chips and dips and can hardly get in the door.

Then Niall is pushing through the crowd of sweating bodies, his beer held safely above his head so that it doesn’t get bumped and spilled. “I think I might have overdone it this time Haz,” he says, but he’s grinning and Louis is right behind him, reaching out to clap a hand on his shoulder and say “Great party Nialler,” which is more of a yell over the pounding music.

Harry hasn’t seen Niall smile so brightly for a while and his heart sinks a little bit further into his chest because Louis is really good at making people smile. Usually Harry gets pissed off when Louis makes a joke that makes everyone laugh because Harry is really crap at jokes. Then he gets even more pissed off because he can’t help laughing and he doesn’t want to, but he’s really bad at disliking people – especially when they are so bloody likeable.

\---

They end up on the floor at the end of the night and everyone has sort of made a general decision to file out of the apartment. There are a few stragglers, like the lesbian couple hooking up on the couch, the tanned fingers of one of the girls, completely tangled in the uncontrollable curls of the other. Zayn is out on the balcony and Liam is leaning into Harry’s side because despite the fact that he’d never admit it, parties make him really nervous and he worries about people liking him and Harry puts it down to the fact that he was never really invited to parties as a child.

“Do you think there’s anything there?” Liam asks Harry, gesturing to where Niall and Louis are wrestling for the last bottle of beer even though it’s clearly Niall’s given that it’s his apartment, but he’s not trying that hard to get it off Louis really.

Harry shrugs. “I don’t know,” he says slowly. “Niall would have said something if there was.” He nods firmly as though to cement the point and Liam hums in agreement.

“I’m sure he would have,” he says.

“Do you think there is?” Harry sits up sharply, which causes Liam to jolt upwards in surprise, turning to him with a bit of a laugh.

“And why would you care if there were?” he asks with a knowing look in his eye and Harry cringes because that was something he really didn’t want people knowing about.

“I wouldn’t.”

He can tell Liam doesn’t believe him.

\---

The five of them start to hang out and it’s weird because law students generally have social skills and engineering kids are usually the ones walking around in sneakers and jeans and haircuts that don’t quite suit them and make them awkward. So it’s a bit weird for three engie kids to be hanging out with law students, but the truth is, Liam and Harry are probably the most awkward out of the five of them and it really shouldn’t work like that, but stereotypical has never really been their thing according to Louis. And what Louis says usually goes between them.

They go to bars a lot because Niall likes to drink and Louis and Zayn like to think that they can outdrink him, but it never ends well and Harry and Liam don’t have enough arms to wrap around them to help carry them home so they end up having to commute random people in the bar to help shove them into cabs.

“Never asked you what you think of Louis and Zayn,” Niall says one night when he and Harry are having a quiet night in without any of the others and it’s nice like this, like the old times. Harry doesn’t mind going out with the other boys but sometimes he misses is just being him and Niall, like it was before it all got crazy and complex and Louis came alone and put a blush on Niall’s cheeks that had never been there before.

Niall is looking at him with his bottom lip trapped between his teeth and Harry can tell he’s nervous about it. It’s obvious that he’s mad for Louis and Zayn and Harry doesn’t have a problem with them, of course he doesn’t, but it makes his heart swell to know how much Niall cares about his opinion, that he really is worried that Harry will tell him that he hates his new friends.

He wonders if maybe he said he hated them, Niall would actually take it so seriously that he wouldn’t spend so much time with them. But it’s impossible to hate Louis.

“They’re great guys Ni,” Harry says with a smile and he thinks the way that Niall visibly relaxes is definitely worth the brave face that he’s been putting on for the sake of the blonde.

Niall grins. “They are, aren’t they?” he says excitably before launching into some story about a prank Louis pulled on one of their lecturers a week earlier and the way his whole face lights up when he talks about the blue eyes boy gets Harry’s heart all nervous and hurt.

Harry tries to preoccupy himself by counting the freckles on his hand and hey, there are a lot more than he originally thought and yeah, this is really his life, sitting there trying to distract himself from the smitten ramblings of his best friend who he wishes were rambling about him.

“ – and then Zayn grabbed each of us by the hand and dragged us out of there before the lecturer even noticed it on his desk,” Niall finished with a laugh, finally letting himself go and releasing a huge guffaw that made Harry giggle, because Niall’s laugh was really infectious, he couldn’t help it, okay?

“You’re ridiculous,” Harry says when Niall has finally calmed down.

“You’re just jealous that all your lectures consist of copy notes from Liam-boring-Payne.”

Niall has the gall to look scandalised when Harry socks him in the arm, but Harry gets pretty sensitive about people calling Liam boring and Niall should know that by now because hell, Harry is fucking good at picking up on all of Niall’s weird little things and he’d really like if the same courtesy were extended to him.

“Yeah, well of course he looks boring when you put him next to Louis,” Harry says. “He’s not boring at all, I swear to God.”

“Who’s not boring?” comes a voice and Harry wishes Niall would just lock the front door, so that Louis couldn’t just let himself in whenever he wanted to, but Niall was shit like that and that was just one of the thousand things that made Harry love him.

“You, of course,” Niall says and Harry rolls his eyes, already retreating to his room, a book tucked under his arm.

\---

Harry doesn’t fail tests very often, but when he does, he gets pretty bummed about it and drags his feet a lot more than he usually does and Niall has known him long enough to know that it means he’s fucked something up.

“Spit it out,” he says when he meets Harry outside his lecture theatre in the afternoon.

Harry has already crumpled the test paper up into the bottom of his bag and bailed on the lecture before Liam can catch up to him and ask him how he went on the test.

“I screwed up my test,” Harry says glumly and Niall claps a hand on his shoulder.

“Well my dear Hazza,” he says, “it appears to me that we need to guy buy a whole heap of junk food and try and eat our feelings, how does that sound to you?”

Harry smiles a little because Niall can always make him smile and follows Niall across the grounds towards the tube which they get off a stop early so that they can stop at the supermarket.

“We should get drunk,” Niall says when he opens the door for Harry, letting him walk into the apartment before him and pulling the left over shopping bags in behind him.

“Why?” Harry says glumly and Niall shrugs, one shoulder popping up briefly in a noncommittal way.

“It’ll make you feel better,” Niall says, reaching into one of the bags and pulling out a full bottle of vodka and Harry wonders for a moment how the hell he managed to slip that into the trolley without him noticing.

“I don’t think so,” Harry says and Niall grabs his arm as he tries to brush past him, his fingers freezing from the cold outside.

“Please?” he asks, his eyes looking particularly deep in the low light and Harry is nodding straight away because really, how could say no to that face? It’s biologically impossible. Niall laughs. “I knew there was a reason you got into law school Hazza,” he says. “There’s just something about the way you can argue your way out of any situation that makes you perfect for the job.”

Harry socks him in the arm for that and Niall yelps, collapsing onto the floor in a dramatic heap that has Harry giggling straight away and yeah, Niall is pretty good at making him feel better, he probably doesn’t even need the alcohol at all. “You’re an ass,” Harry says, flopping down onto the couch in a sprawl of limbs and waiting for Niall to bring the shot glasses over that he instantly tops up with vodka, a little bit spilling onto their crappy glass coffee table that’s being held together by duct tape.

Seven shots later and Harry is slurring a lot more than he usually does and even Niall is well on his way to drunk, which is a lot to say for someone who can out drink Louis and Zayn put together on a good night. Niall is licking a few drops of vodka off his bottom lip and it looks really shiny after that and Harry is watching his tongue dart out to collect the last of the bitter liquid and Niall sees and says, “You want to kiss me, don’t you?”

Harry swears his heart stop then and he is about to deny it and scramble back up into a proper sitting position rather than stay lying half on the couch and half on Niall, but then Niall says, “Go on then.”

Harry doesn’t know what he was expecting, but kissing Niall is overwhelming. He tastes like he just licked his tongue across a bar, but nicer and Harry almost pulls back in surprise, in shock at the fact that he is kissing Niall because wow, he’s even more in love with this guy than he thought, but Niall is insistent, pressing his mouth into Harry’s until he has to open his mouth and let Niall lick inside.

He tries to manoeuvre himself so that he has better access to Niall’s mouth but ends up half falling off the couch and is about to clamber back up gracelessly when he feels Niall’s hands on his shoulders. “Stay down there,” Niall says, pulling Harry closer to kiss him again. Niall’s hands in his hair feel amazing and he can’t really believe that this is happening, that Niall’s lips are on his neck, Niall’s legs opening to allow Harry to kneel between them, Niall’s waist under his fingertips.

Harry presses himself forwards between Niall’s legs, wanting to be closer, because closer is good, yes, closer is really, really great. He can feel Niall’s dick through his jeans, hot and hard and is that for him? Harry feels a shiver run through him in anticipation as he kisses down Niall’s neck, his fingers knotting in his t shirt behind his back.

“Haz,” Niall mumbles as he feels Harry’s hands pushing his top up his torso, exposing the light line of blonde hair under Niall’s belly button. Harry kisses gently along the line as Niall murmurs something along the lines of “You don’t have to,” at the same time as pushing Harry’s head down towards his crotch.

Harry chuckles a little, fingers fumbling with Niall’s zipper as he pulls at his jeans, shuffling around on his knees a little bit to get more comfortable. He mouths at Niall’s erection through his underwear, hot breath targeting the growing spot of precome on his dark boxers. Niall whimpers above him and maybe his name is mashed in there somewhere, Harry isn’t sure, but he knows he liked the sounds Niall is making so far. The only problem is, he has little to no idea how to do this because he’s only had it done to him once and he’s never even contemplated trying it himself.

“Niall, I – ”

“Harry,” he whines and Harry knows that voice and it’s certainly not the voice that takes no for an answer and Harry looks up at Niall (whose eyes are closed by the way) as he pulls his boxers away and licks a long line from the base to tip of his cock.

It’s messy and Harry’s never had a dick inside his mouth before, so it hurts his jaw a little bit and he can’t swallow around it properly, so he ends up with a bit of spit on his chin as he sucks on Niall, who is thrusting into his mouth shallowly.

“Yeah, like that,” Niall says, his voice low and Harry’s cock twitches where it’s confined in his jeans as he lowers his mouth even more, letting Niall slip further into his throat. He tries to swallow around him, his lips wet and shiny as Niall finally looks down at him. “Well don’t you look a treat?” Niall says, grinning and Harry pulls off him with an outrageous slurping sound and Niall whines at the loss of the wet warmth that Harry’s mouth had provided. “Hazza,” he mumbles. “What’re you – ” and then Harry’s lips are wet around his fingers as he sucks them into his mouth. “Oh.”

Harry snorts around his digits, rolling his eyes and Niall lets out a laugh. “Are you sure mate?” he asks because surely this kind of thing could get really awkward but Harry is not having a bar of that. He hasn’t come this far to get absolutely nothing from Niall and he’s never wanted anything more in the world. Maybe the alcohol has something to do with his lack of inhibitions and reasoning skills and want to communicate about anything that is happening.

Harry’s already unbuttoning his own jeans with one hand while he continues to coat Niall’s fingers in saliva because this is really something he can’t wait for and Niall is off the couch and kneeling in front of him before his jeans are even down to his knees.

He doesn’t know how it happens but he’s on his back on the carpet and guiding Niall’s hand between his legs as the blonde hovers over him, bottom lip clutched between his teeth while she slowly works Harry open, getting him ready and yeah, it hurts and yeah, he doesn’t really know what this whole thing means, but he’s never going to love someone as much as Niall, right? So who would be a better person to pop his proverbial cherry?

“I better not get carpet burn on my arse from this,” Harry grumbles as Niall lines himself up and that makes him laugh so hard that he has to stop and catch his breath and his eyes look so lovely when they twinkle like that.

“Yer such a dick,” Niall says as he starts to sink in and Harry’s breath catches from the pain.

“Ni,” he whimpers, breathy and painful, but Niall doesn’t stop until he’s completely buried inside Harry and his cheeks are a little more flushed than usual. The red blush spreads down his neck and tucks under the collar of his t shirt and Harry kind of wishes he had thought to take that off because he’d really like to know how far down Niall’s chest that blush spreads, but it’s too late because Niall is thrusting into him, shallow at first, but then hard and strong, eyes closed and face tucked into Harry’s shoulder.

Harry’s whole body shakes when he comes, fingers wrapped languidly around his whole cock and that’s okay because Niall was too distracted to bother getting him off himself. Niall follows him, grinding his hips into Harry’s as he releases deep inside him.

“Aw, Ni, seriously?” Harry whines as Niall pulls out and Harry shifts uncomfortably at the feeling of his come as it dribbles out of him a little.

Niall shrugs. “Not my fault you’re so desperate young Hazza,” he says with a grin and ruffles Harry’s hair. He stands up and pulls his jeans up, running a hand through his own blonde locks before stretching with a crack in his back and shuffling across the lounge towards his room.

He turns around just as he reaches the door and scuffs his foot awkwardly against the floor. “We’re cool, right?” he asks. “I mean, this isn’t going to be weird or anything, yeah?”

Harry feels his heart drop a little bit because he’s not entirely sure what that means but it doesn’t sound good to him but he swallows heavily from where he is still sitting on the carpet, his hands all sticky and nods through the lump in his throat. “Yeah,” he croaks. “Yeah, we’ll be fine.”

\---

Harry is just about ready to burst out of his room and kiss Niall the next morning. He can smell him cooking breakfast in the kitchen, and that’s what you do right? After you fuck someone, you would usually be allowed to kiss them the next day. Sure, they didn’t sleep in the same bed or anything last night, but that’s different because Niall just really likes his space and Harry totally gets that.

But Niall has his back to Harry when he exits his room and shuffles into the kitchen and when he hears Harry stretch out his limbs with a groan behind him, he turns around and grins and Harry can’t help but smile back, just like always.

“Morning Ni,” he says gently and Niall walks towards him, ruffles his hair with the hand that isn’t holding a spatula and wraps his arms around him in a warm hug.

“Don’t you look adorably sleepy?” Niall teases and Harry blushes, nuzzling his face into Niall’s shoulder and groaning. “Seat your ass down at the table kiddo, I’m making a fry up.”

Harry nods, flopping onto one of the seats at their table and craning his neck so that he can still see Niall pottering around in the kitchen as an array of delicious smells waft out into the dining room. Niall doesn’t cook that often, but when he does, it’s always absolutely amazing.

“So,” Niall says as he slides a plate of food onto the table for Harry. “I reckon I might ask Louis out.”

Harry thinks he can hear his own blood pounding in his ears when Niall says that because wow, that really wasn’t how he had been expecting the morning after to go. It was meant to have a few kisses maybe, a snuggle on the couch to daytime TV. It wasn’t meant to start with Niall’s grand plans to ask another one of their friends out on a date. “Oh,” Harry says quietly and Niall shovels more food into his mouth.

“I mean, I think it’s pretty obvious that I’ve liked him for more than a while and I figure I just really need to get my act together about it.”

Harry nods distantly, taking a bite of his crumpet. “Sounds like you know what you want,” he says quietly and then he forgets the rest of the conversation. It’s probably better that way anyway.

\---

Harry isn’t stupid and he knows that if he can tell that Niall is completely smitten with Louis, it must be pretty obvious to everyone else in the world that he is completely besotted with his best friend. But mostly, people don’t mention it, which he appreciates because you know, he’d like to be given the opportunity to celebrate his own self pity completely alone.

Louis says yes to a date with Niall and Harry has to listen to Niall gush about how completely amazing it was and how Louis shared his dessert with Niall and then gave him a spectacular blowjob when he dropped him home, like Harry couldn’t hear the fucking moans Niall was making through the walls because he seriously didn’t even try to be quiet about it.

“I’m in love with Niall,” Harry says when he’s eating lunch on the lawns with Liam and Zayn. Niall and Louis are off somewhere doing God knows what, but Harry assumes it isn’t entirely innocent.

“Finally, you admit it,” Liam says with a sigh at the same time as Zayn says, “Yeah, well I’m in love with Louis.”

Both Harry and Liam turn to look at Zayn with wide eyes because that is definitely something none of them saw coming. “Er,” Harry begins but Zayn cuts him off.

“I know it’s awkward,” he says and Harry is grateful that he doesn’t have to try and comfort Zayn because he has no idea how he could do that. “I know he thinks I’m hot or whatever,” he says and Harry nods because really, how could anyone not? Zayn is arguably the best looking guy in the university and yeah, Harry has spared a sidelong glance at him every now and then, but it’s always been Niall. “It’s just…I don’t want to be a random fuck like every other sod who falls into Louis’ arms. I want it to be…real, you know?”

Liam nods and lays a consoling hand on Zayn’s shoulder. Yeah, Liam has always been better at comforting people. “Pity the two of you pining idiots couldn’t have fallen for each other, isn’t it?” he teases and Zayn looks at Harry.

“You want me to punch him for that one or would you like to do the honours?” he asks with a grin and Harry laughs gesturing for Zayn to go ahead. The dark haired male settles for tickling Liam instead, sending him sprawling onto the grass with horrendous cries for mercy.

When Zayn finally sits back, leaving Liam a whimpering mess on the grass, Harry smiles sadly at him. “You okay Z?” he asks and Zayn nods.

“You know how it is,” he says and Harry chuckles, thinking how pathetic it is that he’s sitting there laughing at himself for being such an idiot.

“Yeah, I definitely know how it is.”

\---

Louis starts to spend a lot more time at the flat Harry shares with Niall, and it’s not like Harry minds because Louis is always a ball of fun and it’s never boring when he comes around for dinner and insists on invading the kitchen and helping Harry with dinner while Niall sits in the lounge room writing love songs on his guitar that Harry pretends are for him and Louis pretends aren’t happening at all. At least, that’s how he acts.

“Niall, you sound like a dying cat, love!” Louis calls out and Harry laughs as Niall squawks at Louis from the other room, putting his guitar down and slinking into the kitchen to stick himself under Louis’ arm and get in the way, telling both of them that there is no way he’s cleaning up the huge mess they’ve made.

Harry knows he’ll be the one who ends up cleaning even though it’s almost always Louis who causes the explosions of sauce in the kitchen, but he doesn’t mind because it’s less than idea to be out with Niall and Louis on the couch where the two of them have a lot of fun making out after dinner.

The first time Harry comes out of his room in the morning to be greeted by Louis in a towel, emerging from the bathroom, it really throws him because he keeps forgetting that the two of them have been dating for a good month now, so of course Louis is going to stay the night every once in a while, but he just didn’t expect the evidence of it right in front of his face. It’s bad enough hearing the two of them moaning in the bedroom across from his, but Louis is right there, half naked in front of him and Harry can’t help but compare himself to Louis, who is stockier, but still well built and he’s much more tanned than Harry. Maybe Harry just isn’t Niall’s type at all.

“Morning youngster,” Louis says and ruffles Harry’s hair on the way past and Harry really hates it when people ruffle his hair because it makes him feel like they’re treating him like a kid so he frowns and pushes past Louis and if Louis is a little bit disgruntled by the way Harry is acting, Harry doesn’t turn around to notice or care.

\---

Harry spends a lot of time thinking about how happy Niall is with Louis, because he really, really is happy. And sure, Harry wishes that it were him making Niall that happy, but he’s just glad that he gets to see that perfect smile day in day out.

“How’s everything going Haz?” Liam asks when they’re studying together for exams. Harry appreciates that Liam cares so much, he really does, but it’s also pretty awkward for him to talk about the unattainable guy that he’s in love with.

“It’s…okay,” Harry says. “Niall’s happy and that’s what matters.” He nods firmly, trying to convince himself that it’s the truth when his heart is hurting so badly inside his chest.

“Are you happy?” Liam asks and Harry sighs. Because he really isn’t happy. He hasn’t been happy for a while ever since Louis and Zayn came into their lives. And it’s not that he doesn’t like them, in fact, he really likes both of them, but they just make everything one thousand times more complex.

“Doesn’t matter,” Harry shrugs and Liam puts down his pen to stand up and walk around the table, crouching down next to Harry and wrapping an arm around him.

“It does matter,” Liam says and Harry falls into the hug like it’s the last thing keeping him upright.

\---

Louis invites the four of them around to the flat he shares with a few friends back from his hometown. Harry thought it was weird when he first found out that Louis and Zayn didn’t live together, but Zayn still lives at home with his mum so that he can help out with all of his sisters. Most of his time is spent at Louis’ place anyway, so it isn’t that surprising that Harry jumped to that conclusion.

The five of them are sitting around the TV watching a game of football and Harry is on the floor, leaning against the couch, his back between Niall’s legs. Every time something exciting happens, Niall thrashes around on the couch and nearly knocks Harry’s beer out of his hand with his flailing legs, but Harry doesn’t even consider trading places with Liam who hasn’t got a drink to worry about spilling.

Zayn is sitting like Harry, between Louis’ legs on the floor and Harry glances his way and laughs because the two of them are seriously so gone, but at least Louis is paying some attention to Zayn, his hand in his hair and he’s probably the only one who gets away with messing up Zayn’s quiff.

At half time, Liam stands up to get the rest of them another beer and to refill the bowl of chips on the table and Louis says loudly, “So guess whose pants I finally got in to?” and Harry’s eyes brows fly up way closer to their hairline than they’re meant to be when he feels Niall stiffen behind him.

He looks across at Louis who is grinning proudly down at Zayn, who is blushing and mumbles something along the lines of, “Shut up Lou.”

“Nothing to be ashamed of Malik,” he says, still smiling as though nothing is wrong at all. “I am incredibly hard to resist and I’m a great lay, isn’t that right Nialler?” he says teasingly, reaching across the couch to whack Niall’s arm. Harry finally swivels around to look at Niall who looks a bit dazed really, his lips in a tight line and his brow crumpled as though he’s trying to work out what the hell is going on and to be honest, Harry feels the exact same way.

“Uh,” Niall says and Louis pouts.

“Niall, tell the good people that I am a fantastic fuck!” he whines and Niall shakes his head and nods.

“He – yeah, he’s a – ”

Louis sighs and rolls his eyes. “Well I think we all know what Niall is trying to say. I’m great in bed.”

“Did I miss something here?” Liam asks and Harry snaps his head around to look at Liam who is standing in the doorway looking like he regrets ever coming back from the kitchen at all.

“Yeah,” Louis says. “You missed Zayn and Niall agreeing on my sex skills and – ”

“Louis would you shut up for one second?” Liam yells and if anything can silence a room, it’s Liam raising his voice because that really doesn’t happen that often at all.

“Um,” Louis says and Liam raises and eyebrow as though daring him to go through with that sentence. Zayn looks incredibly sheepish and Niall still looks like he just ran into a brick wall fifty times. Harry drops a hand to rest at Niall’s ankle, gently stroking along the skin there and Niall breaks out of his trance to look at Harry for a second and smile gratefully.

“You’re actually a dick Louis,” Liam says and Niall breaks his gaze away from Harry and looks at Louis.

“I didn’t know you were fucking other people,” he says quietly and Louis eyes widen as he finally realises what is going on.

“I…didn’t know you weren’t,” he says easily. “I thought you and Harry – ”

“Me and Harry?” Niall cries. “Don’t be ridiculous Louis, are you kidding me?” And okay, yeah, that hurts a lot more than it should because would it really be that weird for Niall and Harry to be together? Obviously Niall thinks it would be and they are definitely not on the same page about that.

“Well fucking hell Niall, I didn’t know this was meant to be exclusive.”

“Why would it not be?” Niall asks and Louis shrugs.

“I don’t fucking know, do I? I thought we were on the same page, but obviously – ”

“We weren’t. Aren’t,” Niall finishes and Louis at least has the decency to look a bit ashamed of himself. Niall is up off the couch before Louis really has a chance to process what is going on.

“Niall,” Zayn starts. “I’m – ”

“It’s fine Zayn,” Niall says with a resigned smile. “We can all see how fucking in love with Louis you are. I would have done the same thing.”

And then he’s out the door and great, how the hell is Harry meant to get home now?

\---

Niall is subdued for a while. He doesn’t laugh as much and he ignores Louis’ calls. Harry doesn’t really want the whole relationship between the five of them to completely fall apart, so he tries to answer the calls from Louis whenever Niall leaves his phone around and talks to him for a while, but he still says no when Louis asks him to put Niall on.

“You don’t have to do that, you know,” Niall says whenever Harry hangs up with a sigh and Harry shrugs.

“Yes, I do,” he says and answers Niall’s raised eyebrow. “You’re not going to want to stop being friends with him in the long run.”

“Yes I am.”

“You’re not, Ni.”

Because the thing is, Harry just wants Niall to be happy and for those few weeks before everything went to the shit, Harry had never seen Niall so fucking happy and sure, he’d love it if he were the one who made Niall smile like all the light in the world was trained on him, but it was just nice to see him smile at all and Harry missed it. He missed the Niall who yelled so loudly at the football that the neighbours came knocking on their door to tell him to shut the fuck up, and the Niall who always made a huge mess when he cooked. Niall was cleaning now and it was completely wrong on so many levels.

All Harry knew was that he hoped it all fixed itself up soon because he really couldn’t handle it anymore. He’d probably rather Niall and Louis kiss and make up than not make up at all because it is all very painful to watch.

\---

Harry is cooking dinner when Niall slumps into the kitchen and says, “We need to talk.” It’s all very serious and Harry burns himself on his pasta sauce because he’s not expecting it.

“Can I finish dinner first?” Harry asks and when Niall shakes his head, Harry frowns and turns the power off on the stove so that he can give Niall his full attention without worrying about overcooking the tomato because that would be a disaster and he figured that nothing Niall could say in this conversation could be worse than that.

“So what’s up?” Harry asks, leaning back against the counter and Niall raises and eyebrow.

“So, Zayn reckons you’re keen on me,” Niall says and when Harry doesn’t respond he adds, “And by keen on me, I mean, he said you’re in love with me.”

Oh, Harry thinks. Because this is definitely not what he envisioned happening in this conversation. This isn’t how he pictured Niall finding out about his feelings either and seriously, fuck Zayn man. He was just butt hurt about Louis and has now gone and completely fucked things for Harry and Niall because really, can their friendship even survive this.

He takes a deep breath. “Yeah,” he says and clears his throat. “Yeah I’d say that’s pretty accurate.” And he’s really quite proud that he manages to look Niall in the eyes as he says that because in his imagination, his confession of undying love for his best friend would have been stuttered out and awkward and involve a lot of looking anywhere but Niall’s eyes.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Niall says, but it’s a desperate, exasperated question, like he is pretty pissed off that Harry kept something so huge and monumental buried inside him. Really though, what was Harry meant to do?

“I – ” Harry starts. “You…Louis!”

“But you still – ”

“It wouldn’t have made a difference!” Harry cries and yeah, this is why they don’t argue very often. They’re pretty shit at it if they’re honest. Harry trips over his words and Niall gets pissed off easily and they just end up interrupting each other and getting pissed off much quicker than is strictly necessary.

“It might have,” Niall says quickly and Harry snorts, rolling his eyes.

“You’re kidding right? Niall have you seen yourself around Louis? I – this isn’t an argument I want to have! You love Louis.”

Niall looks like he’s about to argue, but hey, he does love Louis and he obviously knows that. “You should have told me,” he says and Harry sighs.

“It’s not a big deal.”

“It is a big deal!” Niall yells and then bites his lip, because he doesn’t want to be a dick about it, and that much is obvious to Harry who has known his friend long enough to know that when he yells and then tries to calm himself down, he really cares about the person he’s fighting with. “Is this because we fucked?” he asks. “Do you fall in love with every guy who fucks you or something?”

“No!” Harry cries, his cheeks burning in embarrassment. “Not that it matters but you were the first guy I fucked – ” Niall’s eyes widen in horror, “ – and besides, I was in love with you before that.”

Niall looks flabbergasted for a moment, like he doesn’t know what to say or do with that new piece of information. “I was…you’d never – I mean, why didn’t you tell me you were a virgin?” he asks and Harry shrugs.

“I didn’t want you to think I was a loser,” he says in a small voice and Niall groans.

“Christ Harry, you’re kidding me right?”

“Nialler, if you tell me it would have changed how things turned out, I’ll say I’m sorry.” Harry just wants to stop the fight, to get it over with so that they can descend into a whole new level of awkward.

Niall runs a hand over his face and sighs. “Fuck, Harry, I don’t want you to apologise,” he says and Harry shrugs.

“Why?”

“Because I’m not mad that you love me Hazza. I just – ”

“I meant apologise for not telling you, you knob,” Harry says, grinning a little, but it’s forced and he thinks Niall can see that.

“I’m sorry,” Niall says finally and the smile falls from Harry’s face.

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not.”

“Niall,” Harry says, stepping forwards and wrapping his arms around Niall and should he really be the one doing the comforting here? But it’s been a rough few weeks on Niall and he definitely needs it more than Harry does considering he’s sort of been resigned to this fate for months now. “It’s okay, really…it’s okay.”

And really? It’s not.

\---

Maybe when they were fighting, Harry said it was going to be okay, but it ends up pretty fucking far from okay in his opinion. In fact, it’s probably as far from okay as you can get. There are a few days after they fight where the two of them just orbit around each other with awkward smiles and a few pats on the shoulder and painful small talk whenever they’re forced to share the same space for a while, like over dinner.

Other than that though, it’s silence. It’s an awkward shuffle when they both try to go through one door at the same time and they can barely even laugh about it like they used to.

Harry starts to get the distinct feeling that he was right all along for never telling Niall how he felt. Because if this is how he reacts, how the confession hits the two of them as friends, he’s glad he had those last few months of suffering through unspoken feelings.

“I don’t know what to do,” Harry says to Liam, his head buried in his hands at the coffee shop across campus. The two of them have a two hour break between lectures and usually Harry would skip the afternoon lecture and head home early, but Niall is at home and yeah, it’s reached the point of completely avoiding each other. Besides, he really needed to talk to someone other than Niall and the two of them had barely seen Louis and Zayn for the past week wince Niall had found out about Harry.

“Give it time Haz,” Liam says and Harry groans.

“That’s what everyone says. You’re Liam Payne. Aren’t you supposed to be profound or something?” he asks.

“Louis was always the surprisingly profound one, wasn’t he?” Liam says and Harry grumbles about how Louis is really good at a lot of things, but Liam just ignores it. “Besides, everyone is right. It’s a touchy subject, love and all that. I’d be surprised if you guys weren’t awkward. You’re doing it right, trust me.”

Harry lifts his head and takes another long sip of his coffee, brushing his hair out of his eyes and checking his watch. “I hate university,” he says finally and Liam laughs.

“Shit, you’re emotional today, aren’t you?” he says and Harry grins.

“If there’s anything that can make me smile, it’s Liam Payne swearing without stuttering over it,” Harry says and Liam rolls his eyes as he stands up to get the bill for the two of them.

\---

Harry spends a lot of his time between lectures sitting at home and trying to bring himself to study, but really, just watching TV until it gets dark and he wonders where Niall is. Niall has been coming home a lot later ever since their fight and Harry wonders if maybe he’s sorted things out with Louis or is spending more time with Zayn or something, but he’s too scared to ask in case it ends up being the former.

He hears the door to the flat open and the clatter of keys as they fall into the dish by the door. He keeps looking at the TV when Niall walks into the living room, kicking off his shoes and collapsing onto the armchair next to the couch Harry is sprawled across.

“What’re we watching?” Niall asks, and Harry finally looks at him. Wishes he didn’t. Niall’s hair is all rumpled and he looks really tired. It sounds stupid, but Niall looks especially delicious when he’s all sleepy, but right now, he just looks resigned. Like he isn’t tired from lack of sleep, more so from lack of…something. Harry doesn’t want to think ‘lack of Louis’.

“Uh, just some stupid documentary,” he says and tries not to cringe at how awkward it is between the two of them but he guesses he has to get used to it because it’s been this way for a few weeks now and it doesn’t seem to be getting any better and really, he’ll take what he can get. “I’m not really concentrating on it to be honest.”

Niall laughs, but there’s not that much in it. “You’ve always had impeccable taste in television young Hazza,” he says and Harry doesn’t even have it in him to grumble about not being that young. He’s just about to offer to start making dinner when Niall stands up and moves towards him with a sigh and a hand in his hair.

“Uh, hi,” Harry says and Niall sinks down slowly to straddle his legs like its something he’s done everyday and maybe it used to be and it drove Harry mad because he didn’t know what Niall meant by it but at least this time Harry knows it’s probably not a sexual thing, it’s more of a ‘lets get as close as humanly possible’ thing because Niall’s fingers are rubbing tiny circles on the junction of Harry’s jaw and neck.

Niall’s lips against his are soft and unexpected and it takes a second for Harry’s body to catch up with his brain and he turns his head to pull away and starts say, “Niall, what’re you – ” but Niall cuts him off with his lips again, insistent, fingers running through Harry’s head to hold him in place as though Harry could go anywhere else. He lets his hands come up to slide up under Niall’s t shirt, hesitant at first, but finally allowing himself to fan his fingers across Niall’s back, pull him in a little closer.

When Niall sits back with a sigh, Harry frowns through the hands still cupping his face. “You’re my best mate Harry,” Niall says softly.

Harry nods. “Ni, if you’re not over Louis yet – ”

“I’m not,” Niall says with an air of finality that makes the breath rush out of Harry in a huff that tickles the hair on Niall’s face because he’s still so close.

“Okay,” Harry says. Okay, he thinks as he pulls Niall back towards him. Because Harry is willing to wait for Niall, for his smile and his laugh and his lips when they’re meant for him. He’ll wait forever if he can. He just doesn’t know if Niall will let him.


End file.
